Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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