I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
