I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I did not marry a roomba.
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