Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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