I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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