my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
