dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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