1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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