i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wish my penis had a tongue
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
