Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
