mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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