Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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