Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize