shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
