If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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