I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
