Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
