remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
