Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
