I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
