apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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