I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
