I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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