I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
