why didn't you poke me back
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
