he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
