i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
