He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
