Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
