it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
