omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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