Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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