That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
