Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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