If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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