i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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