I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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