see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
