I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
