Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
