my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Duck Duck Cougar?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
