I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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