Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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