my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
