just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
