It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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