So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
