Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
