there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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