Don't make out with my wife yet
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
