I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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