god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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