u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize