Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
