we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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