mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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