My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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