just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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