It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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