i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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