You can't motorboat a personality
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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