im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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