do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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