we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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