you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
