So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
