I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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