Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
