After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
