I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
