Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
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Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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