bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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