Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize