i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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