Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
