I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
