Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my liver is dry heaving
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
