I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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