Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
