Just fell off a train. Bad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
