Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize