Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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