Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
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That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
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Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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