She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My bed smells like the plague
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
