You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
