i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
