my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
