Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
